Grace Update…I wish I was writing a bright and shiny update about how much better Grace was feeling, but I can’t. This is now day 22 of this headache with little to no relief.
I had hoped new medicine and fall break would get her to feeling better. And it did lighten up a little bit. By yesterday it was a dull annoyance – much better than it has been. She still had to wear sunglasses all the time, but she was able to do a few normal things like sit outside for a little while (while it was cloudy), read her book for English, made nachos, and even did a short run to Kroger to get popcorn and get out of the house. It was the closest I’ve seen her to normal in weeks! She was even making plans for school and practice this week. We were all hopeful. Even if the headache didn’t go away completely, she could at least function like this. Woo hoo!
But my brief moment of hopefulness didn’t last long. Shortly after dinner a NEW headache came on. The right side was still hurting, but this new one was straight down the center and getting angry fast. She took the migraine meds hoping they would cut it off and went straight to bed.
This morning she feels generally rotten. The medicine leaves her feeling groggy, slow, and like she’s been hit by a truck. The meds didn’t knock out the new headache and the old headache is angry again. It feels like all progress just flew out the window. I’m frustrated, she’s frustrated, and we just don’t know what to do.
It would be really easy to stay frustrated and mad, but that isn’t good for any of us. I have to remind myself that the Lord answered my first prayer swiftly and beautifully – a scan that confirms no brain mass. That is a blessing and huge relief. So why hasn’t He answered our prayers for relief? All I can think is that it isn’t time yet.
On Monday, I found myself in John 11, where Mary & Martha sent for Jesus because Lazarus was so very sick. These weren’t unknown people asking for help, these were dear friends, people Jesus loved. But rather than dropping everything, he stayed where he was for two more days, completing what He was called to do there, before heading back to his friends. By the time Jesus and the disciples arrived, Lazarus had been dead for four days.
I have read this story many times before and I know Jesus is about to perform an amazing miracle. But Monday I found myself thinking about Mary & Martha and how they must have felt in the waiting. They spent the final days with their brother just praying that Jesus would get there to save him, and he didn’t. Can you imagine their agony in the waiting? Their grief in the loss?
I mean, they were personal friends with the Messiah. They knew he could heal their brother with a word. And what if he had? Well, that would have been a pretty amazing miracle for sure. But the miracle that came? It was beyond anything they could have imagined.
After 4 days, dead and buried, Jeases called to Lazarus, “Lazarus, come out!” And he did. Can you imagine the mind boggling, ecstatic, astonishing joy? Can you imagine their faith? They were already believers, but I can assure you – after that, nothing would shake their belief. All because they endured the season of suffering and waiting.
I don’t know what the Lord has in store for my girl, but I know this season of waiting has a purpose. I will be praying all day, every day that He grants Grace relief, because it breaks my heart to see her hurting. But at the same time, I will choose to trust His timing, His plan, and His purpose. Trusting that He is strong enough to carry all of us through this, and that whatever He has waiting for Grace on the other side will be beyond anything we could ask or imagine.
It’s a new day. It may be a hard day, but it’s still a good day – I will rejoice and be glad in it.
Until later,
‘Carrow
